Let's just face the facts. I'm terrified of breastfeeding. I know all the facts, I know it's best for my child, but I'm still scared. When I tried to breastfeed Grace, it hurt like hell. I mean it was PAINFUL. No one told me how bad it would hurt. I had no idea. I thought it would be this easy, natural thing, and it wasn't. I'm determinded (almost....) to b/f this one. I want to give it more of a chance, make sure she's latching on correctly, try not to stress out so much, etc. Grace was very jaundice when we brought her home from the hospital and we had to supplement. I was tired, stressed out and it took over a week for my milk to come in. Grace continued to get worse, and we had to have her put on a billi-blanket for a few days. We were taking her daily to have her feet pricked and blood taken. We had one or two visits to the ped. All this the week before Christmas. It was stressful and hard for me, and I kept trying to feed her. Eventually she got better, her levels came down, but b/f didn't get easier. Now I realize she probably was never latched on correctly. I'm reading now that if you hear a clicking noise, that means they are not latched on right. Well I remember hearing that with her, but not knowing since I didn't do any research that I shouldn't hear that noise. I was sore, very sore, and I bled alot. I wasn't resting when I should of, because I was always worried about her latching on. It hurt so bad. At one point she spit up blood, because she has swallowed blood from me. Overall, it was a horrible experience for me. I started pumping and supplementing, but after 3-4 weeks, I was done. I couldn't do it anymore. Plus, we lived in Toledo at the time, and I didn't have good support around me. I had family far away, but that didn't help at the time. I was to embarrassed to go to a lactaction consultant, for fear they would say it was my fault. Plus, I was just plain TIRED. I needed rest. So I switched her to formula and my life suddenly was so much easier. I actually liked my baby again, and enjoyed her so much more because I was rested. I have had alot of guilt over my decision to quit, but overall I had to do what was best for my family at the time. And that was best.
So now, here I am about to have our second child, and trying to prepare myself for b/f'ing again. I want to do it this time. I don't want to give up... I really want it to work. I've already told friends that I will need help. I know I will. I'm worried about Grace, how I'll fuction with her and a newborn attaced to my boob all day long. I'm worried about getting rest, so I can keep up with both of them. There are alot of things I'm worried about, but bottom line is I really want to do it this time. Last time I feel like I gave up to quickly, and I don't want to feel like that again. But I also worry about Grace. I mean, how fair is it that I didn't give her 110% when it came to b/f'ing, but I will her little sister?? I hope someday she understands, or I can let myself not feel guilty for that.
So for the next 10 weeks or so, I'm going to try to prepare myself mentally and read up as much as I can about breastfeeding. I'm hoping to have the supplies I need here so it won't be so easy to just give up. I'm hoping I can get my family to understand that this is what I want, and please be patient (with Mommy, Grace) and I'm hoping that this baby girl will be patient with me. I also hope that if for some reason, I'm unable to b/f this time, that I can just move on and let go of the guilt. Grace is super smart, hardly been sick and advanced for her age. And she was on formula. So I do believe that kids can get a good start even with formula. I just want to give breastmilk a shot also.
6 comments:
Breastfeeding is wonderful and I wish you the best of luck and any support/advice that I can give. My baby is 14 1/2 months and I'm still nursing and I said I was only going to do it until one or two months. Don't be ashamed to talk to the lactation department. They replaced my hubby on speed dial:) Love ya!
I had a hard time getting started with both boys. I say get a line on a good Lactation Consultant and be ready to call her. It seems to strange that something so natural can be so freaking HARD. I managed to persevere and nursed my 1st to 21 months and my 2nd to 26 months.
One other great and practical resource Dr. Jack Newman. His advice is for real people, not extremists. I liked his book a lot. You might want to check it out.
I'm so happy you are going to give it one more shot even after your experience (many people would have given up forever). My advice would be to get all the help you can from the lactation consultant. At the hospital they are there for you and the baby. They are eager to help out and you should take advantage of that. Even when you are home you can call them up with any questions you have.
Another piece of advice is to try to relax with the whole latching issue. It will take time - both my kids took a few days of practicing and finally they got it. Once they latch on properly your milk will come in very quickly and hopefully it will be smooth sailing from there.
Also, try and get as much help in the first few weeks. It would help if you could have someone come over and watch Grace for at least a few days so that you can settle in and get used to breastfeeding.
I hope the best Devon and if you have any questions, please ask me.
BF is hard and it does hurt, a lot, but it was probably the most rewarding part of being a mom. Don't give up and get support. You'll be surprised how natural it is once you get over the first shock of it. Grace will adapt and you won't be washing and filling bottles so it'll all work out.
If it doesn't don't worry about it. Not only do my boys not remember it, they gasp when it's mentioned ;)
Kids are smart and healthy because of smart and healthy moms, not how they get nutrition the first year of life as long as they get it.
((((HUGS!))))
Connie
Oh, by the way, with my first I could only nurse him laying down and on my side for the first 3 months or so. Just couldn't get it to work any other way. Try explaining to someone when you're visiting that you need somewhere to lie down for 20 minutes to feed your baby :)
Once I felt more confident I could feed him anywhere, even walking from room to room :)
Connie
Hi! You just started following me through twitter so I thought I would check you out! (And you are from Ohio like me... super bonus points there!) I bfed all four of mine. It is a lot harder than anyone will tell you but once you get the hang of it you'll be surprised how well it works out. I bfed the last one for 18 months and in the beginning the only way it worked for him was to be in a football hold. I looked like I was scoring a touchdown constantly but it worked for him.
I'd be more than happy to offer up some support from one OH mommy to another. Good luck and congrats on the new baby girl on the way!
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